Pre-Show and Microsoft Press Briefing

1:14 PM – Watching the preview show at gametrailers.com.  Every time I see the LA Convention Center, I think of Rush Hour.  Can you blame me?

1:14 PM – 20 min until Microsoft wastes everyone’s time by spending a disproportionate amount of time on Kinect.  Also, what makes Peter Molyneaux so legendary?  I have never understood this.  The guy seems out of touch and his games are meh.

1:14 PM – Little Big Planet Karting looks cool.  Cool enough to get me to turn on my PS3.

1:14 PM – Peter Molyneaux is a knight of the British Empire.  Even Bran Stark could own his ass.

1:14 PM – WTF is this?  You can tap away at a cube?  The whole world is tapping at a cube?  It’s official, this guy has lost the proverbial plot.  The whole world is going to tap a cube, and one person is going to find the answer.  My God, why does this industry glorify this nut job?

1:14 PM – This lovely lady has a soul patch.  I’d still hit it.

1:14 PM – Ed Boon on to talk about his new super hero fighting game.  I’ve never gotten into MK style fighting games, so I’ll remain skeptical.  Fighting games are the one thing the Japanese have over the West as far as I am concerned.  Interesting twist on this one though, background objects play a more pronounced role in the combat.

1:14 PM – It’s a lady named Daniel Kayser.  Odd name for a woman.

1:14 PM – Theme of the MSFT conference is “Entertainment Evolved”.  This does not bode well.

1:14 PM – Good to hear about Epic saving the day with the 38 Studios debacle.  Props to those guys, seems to be a shrewd business decision as well.  We shall see.

1:14 PM – Ron Gilbert on to talk about his new joint “The Cave”.  There are a bunch of people in a cave.  The cave talks.  It’s a dark comedy.  Why is it so hard to explain what this industry is about in a way that doesn’t make it all seem like complete lunacy to an outsider?  The game looks cool though.  Side-scroller with pretty good graphics.  It looks like a cartoony Shadow Complex or something.  Early 2013 digital release.

1:14 PM – I have no desire to watch all new episodes of American Digger on Spike.

1:14 PM – Here we go.  Geoff Kieghly’s voice turns me on.

1:14 PM – Can we skip the Nintendo bullshit please?

1:14 PM – Oh God, stop with the awkward reading of random tweets about E3!

1:14 PM – Transformers Fall of Cybertron trailer.  Dunno what to think.  Initial reaction is pessimistic.  Heard one of the Transformers games has been good, but the rest have been shite.  Who am I kidding?  I’ll never play any of them.  Metroplex!

1:14 PM – What’s Nerd Machine?  Zach Levi did a pretty good job hosting the last VGAs.  I want to know more.  Maybe I will google it.

1:14 PM – Princess Leia has not aged well.  Bless her heart.

1:14 PM – Tekken Tag Tournament 2 trailer.  I liked the first Tekken, but that’s it.  I’m probably missing out.

1:14 PM – If I could do it all over again, I would go to ITT Tech.

1:14 PM – I’ll be the first to say it: I don’t think we need a new console just yet.  Don’t know why I have this position.  Maybe it’s because I don’t want to spend the money on it just yet.  But mostly I think it is because I continue to be impressed with the quality and performance of the titles that are still coming out right now.  I’m not convinced developers have hit a ceiling on the current platform and need a new one to take things to the next level.  I know we will get there eventually, but I don’t see it just yet.  2-3 more years.

1:14 PM – Get Peter Molyneaux out of here!

1:14 PM – Xbox Companion?  Streaming to my iphone?  Go on…

1:14 PM – Getting all hopped up on Diet Mt Dew!  Can #2 has been cracked.

1:14 PM – Halo 4 Trailer is dog’s testicles.  Cortana talk dirty to me baby.  Giant red and black soccer ball of death.  New HUD looks sick!  More Covenant?  Thought there was some sort of peace treaty?  Whatever.  Master Chief Fight Night!  New Forerunner guns are awesome.

1:14 PM – Pretty pleased with the Halo 4 trailer.

1:14 PM – New Splinter Cell game.  Blacklist.  I thought Conviction was kinda meh, but this looks pretty good.  Cool take on the Kinect integration by using voice to get enemy’s attention.  A lot more day light than I am accustomed to with a Splinter Cell game.

1:14 PM – LOL.  Responses to referee decisions are picked up by Kinect and fed into the game.  Can you get sent off for speaking unkind words about a referee’s mother?

1:14 PM – Is Joe Montana broke?  Madden at-the-line voice commands seem pretty cool, but I wonder how playing against someone in the same room as you works though.  Hot routes and stuff like that would be easily picked up by the defense, right?  Not sure any of that stuff has any long lasting viability for the Madden tournament scene, which I understand is pretty well established.

1:14 PM – Fable is shite.

1:14 PM – More Gears of War.  I like it and will pur-chase.

1:14 PM – Forza Horizon trailer wins just by virtue of the dubstep in the trailer.  More dubstep.  All.  The.  Time.  Debating with Trip on night racing.  I’m not really a fan.

1:14 PM – Honest question.  What is the percentage of Xbox owners that have watched a digitally downloaded movie on the console?  I’m guessing it’s less than 10%.  I never have and doubt I ever would.  New language integration is impressive.  Wonder if it will understand Scouse and Brummy.

1:14 PM – How long before the Xbox becomes an actual DVR?  They are really aggressively going after this TV content stuff.  The Xbox will replace cable boxes.  Microsoft should just buy Comcast.

1:14 PM – How much dubstep is on Xbox Music?  Probably not enough.

1:14 PM – Interested in this Nike Fuelband stuff, but don’t give a shit about the Kinect aspect.  So why will it matter to me?  If I can just check my progress from the Xbox dash, I suppose that would be cool.  Wouldn’t need the PC around me.  But cant phones take care of that anyway?  The Kinect is not an exercise tool.

1:14 PM – Mark Whitten, whatever you about to tell me about how my phone can integrate with Xbox, it better fooking work with the iphone.  SmartGlass eh?  This shit actually looks legit.  I find myself going to Wikipedia on my phone while watching movies or tv shows to learn more all the time.  If this tech serves to do some of that automatically, I think that is pretty cool.  Need to see more on how it actually works in practice though.  The hot route drawing stuff was impressive.  Not sure it was practical relative to just doing it in game, but whatever.

1:14 PM – Please don’t charge for SmartGlass.  Please don’t charge for SmartGlass.  Please don’t charge for SmartGlass.

1:14 PM – THE FEED JUST DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!  DAMN YOU SPIKE!!!!!!!!!!!

1:14 PM – Ok, it’s back now.

1:14 PM – Tomb Raider doesn’t look half bad…  Full on archery seems strange though…  Reserve parachutes came standard in Japanese Zero cockpits apparently.  Overall, I am much more interested than I was previously.

1:14 PM – Ascend: New Gods.  Darksiders in slow motion.  This is some sort of targeted attack on God of War that isn’t even necessary.

1:14 PM – LocoCycle.  Nothing to say.

1:14 PM – Matter.  Nothing to say.

1:14 PM – Resident Evil 6.  How Japanese is it?  This dude looks like Jaime Lannister, which is not a bad thing.  This game looks like an anime movie.  I’m out.

1:14 PM – Wrecketeer.  Made for Kinect.  Balls to this, and balls to that chick’s tattoo.  Get out.

1:14 PM – “Jews can’t be saviors”.  That made it into the South Park demo?  These guys can do no wrong apparently.  They seem the most natural and comfortable on stage so far, and I bet the lack of prepared remarks and teleprompters have something to do with it.  Whoever MSFT has hired to advise on presentation needs to be fired.  Too many awkward hand movements and uncomfortable pauses.  Just get up there and talk.

1:14 PM – How much dubstep does Dance Central 3 have?  Probably not enough.  WE ARE NOT EVEN SEEING THE GAME.  WE ARE SEEING A GODDAMN CONCERT.  AND THEY BOOTED PARKER AND STONE OFF STAGE FOR THIS SHIT.  Now they are showing the game.  And the smoke machine is obstructing it.  F this.  F it in the first place, but F it especially after this.

1:14 PM – They better not be closing it out with Usher.

1:14 PM – Blops 2.  I’m getting my pizza out of the microwave.  Let me know how this goes.  Same engine (apparently) and the tech looks really dated.  Drones.  Webby jizz.

1:14 PM – I think EA gets a bad rap relative to Activision.  Yes, EA have gone overboard with the online pass and renting server shit, but at least they still appear to be innovating and creating rather than just shitting out the same tired junk iteration after iteration.  The only thing Activision have going for them is SKY-LAND-ERS!!!!!

1:14 PM – I give Microsoft a C+ on this year’s show.  Not enough new games that looked good.  SmartGlass has me interested, and Halo 4 looks really good.